{"id":375,"date":"2014-09-28T21:33:42","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T04:33:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/?p=375"},"modified":"2016-11-04T14:20:58","modified_gmt":"2016-11-04T21:20:58","slug":"375","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/?p=375","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"
Heart-wrenching:<\/i><\/section>\n
<\/section>\n

ONE SMALL DOG <\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

Brewing for a while now
\nThe time has come to tell the story<\/p>\n

I killed a dog
\nThe images are horrendous
\nThey stay and stay
\nThey haunt me<\/p>\n

Everyone says it wasn\u2019t my fault
\nBut it was
\nA person can always do more
\nCan always do better<\/p>\n

A dark street
\nAn old lady
\nA small dog<\/p>\n

Slowing down \u2013 to 10 miles per hour
\nNot enough<\/p>\n

Believing the dog is on a leash
\nAssuming<\/p>\n

Never assume<\/p>\n

Feeling \u2013 the bump \u2013 ever so slight
\nStopping<\/p>\n

Someone screaming
\nA woman
\nLoosing her connection
\nTo her dog<\/p>\n

Getting out of the car
\nHeart pounding
\nWalking back<\/p>\n

A small dog
\nFlailing its legs in the air
\nStillness<\/p>\n

A small dog
\nLying in a pool of blood
\nEmpty of its life force
\nThe blood \u2013 a blanket of comfort<\/p>\n

Deep sadness
\nChest hurting
\nGetting cold
\nFeeling very alone<\/p>\n

Grandson – 14 – sees the dog
\nrunning for the tire
\nHears the bump
\nI must carry his image along with mine<\/p>\n

The woman
\nReaching for her dog
\nStanding up
\nEmpty handed
\nConfused
\nWatching
\nthe dog chasing
\nthe car moving
\nUnbelieving
\nof what she sees<\/p>\n

It can\u2019t be so
\nBut it is<\/p>\n

A secret
\nIt can\u2019t be told<\/p>\n

My throat gets tight
\nI have no words
\nJust feelings
\nAnd hurt
\nAnd guilt
\nAnd aloneness
\nUnbearable aloneness<\/p>\n

This is my burden
\nIt can\u2019t be softened
\nIt can\u2019t be shared
\nIt has become a part of me
\nLiving in my chest<\/p>\n

-originally written December 31th , 2008 at app. 7:00 pm
\nThree months later\u2026<\/p>\n

Healing
\nForgiving
\nRecovering<\/p>\n

As in a movie
\nThe images go backwards
\nThe blood slowly drawn back
\ninto the body
\nOf the dog
\nWhere it belongs
\nThe flailing of legs stopping
\nThe dog laying
\nPeacefully<\/p>\n

I pick it up
\nTake it in my arms
\nDance with it
\nOffer it
\nto the heavens
\nto the goodness
\nto the all-ness<\/p>\n

My image becomes a picture
\nA photograph
\nOf the dog<\/p>\n

I lay the photograph
\nIn a box lined with purple velvet
\nI bring the box to the woman<\/p>\n

As she opens the lid and acknowledges the photograph
\nStrangely and beautifully
\nTiny puppies
\nAppear through the picture
\nTheir front paws on the edge of the box
\nThey lean forward
\nCurious and ready \u2013 for life<\/p>\n

Zitta \u2013originally written 2\/17-2009<\/section>\n

 <\/p>\n\n

 <\/p>\n

Posted On The Two-years-day of Richard’s passing:<\/i><\/section>\n
<\/section>\n

For Richard <\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

I walk outside<\/p>\n

The flowers are fresh
\nTheir fragrance sweet
\nThe fig tree overflowing<\/p>\n

I pick a fig
\nIt is warm from the sun
\nWarm as Richard’s body
\nWhen I lie in his arms<\/p>\n

Then, the warmth gone astray
\nHe goes away<\/p>\n

I look around
\nIt seems
\nHe is still here
\nIn the figs
\nIn the air<\/p>\n

Where does love go
\nWhen you send it off
\nInto the atmosphere<\/p>\n

“The Moody Blues” are playing
\nPlaying for us
\nTogether we find
\nThe love we left behind<\/p>\n

Outside
\nI stand
\nSee you taking off<\/p>\n

Left alone
\nI feel all we were
\nI stretch my arms – towards
\nNothing
\nand you are gone
\nAs everything I know
\nIs no longer here<\/p>\n

There are so many feelings
\nCan I put them in a box
\nSave them
\nAnd savor them
\nTake them out
\nFor a special time<\/p>\n

Massage them in my heart
\nAnd in my hands<\/p>\n

Can I run away
\nTo that place
\nThat place of feelings
\nTo that place that hurts so much
\nThat is so raw
\nThat it speaks no words<\/p>\n

Zitta \u2013originally written 10-2013<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Heart-wrenching: ONE SMALL DOG Brewing for a while now The time has come to tell the story I killed a dog The images are horrendous They stay and stay They Continue Reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/375"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=375"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/375\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":489,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/375\/revisions\/489"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=375"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=375"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zittastubstad.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=375"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}