Andrei – A True Story
Andrei, a 20 year old boy – as felt through the senses of the author – me.
I am Andrei.
I am invincible – almost.
My heart is soft – and must be protected.
Nature is safe and real – allowing the thoughts to flow.
My art has meaning – goes beyond words.
I live in the canyon, tucked away. Town is drawing me. It is Saturday.
Music – friends – maybe a little “pot” – a deep conversation.
Can we make the world a better place?
Can I confine myself to the image this world portrays?
I dress warmly; a pack on my back with a change of clothes.
I have to cross the river – as I have many, many times before.
Tonight it flows fast and the rain is pouring.
I enjoy the elements of nature.
The freedom it gives.
I feel happy, uplifted.
I will defy the waters, the rush of the river.
I will pass – leave it behind.
Go to where I’m going.
Part way across it gets me. Takes over – shows me its strength.
I get pulled under – get stuck.
I wasn’t meant to cross – not here – not now.
Frightened I call out …
We are alone – the river and I – in a battle of life and death.
I’m strong, I know I am – I used to beat Paavo in arm wrestling.
I fight. A good fight it is – for a while.
Time stands still.
The river shows its softness,
Cradles me in its arms. Calms me.
Tells me its story. Its story of eternity and of movement that is forever.
Slowly I give in. Pictures fill the space. Beautiful, peaceful pictures.
My body – numb – and no longer mine.
I move away. Stand aside. Look at my strong, young figure, – stuck.
I reach my mom – softly wrap myself around her heart. – She receives me.
My Dad, my siblings, my friends, I touch.
I dissipate into all-ness.
I am. – Somewhere I am.
Zitta – written on April 12th, 2005