Andrei – A True Story


Andrei, a 20 year old boy – as felt through the senses of the author – me.

I am Andrei.

I am invincible – almost.

My heart is soft – and must be protected.

Nature is safe and real – allowing the thoughts to flow.

My art has meaning – goes beyond words.

I live in the canyon, tucked away. Town is drawing me. It is Saturday.

Music – friends – maybe a little “pot” – a deep conversation.

Can we make the world a better place?

Can I?

Can I confine myself to the image this world portrays?


I dress warmly; a pack on my back with a change of clothes.

I have to cross the river – as I have many, many times before.

Tonight it flows fast and the rain is pouring.

I enjoy the elements of nature.

The wildness.

The freedom it gives.

I feel happy, uplifted.

I will defy the waters, the rush of the river.

I will pass – leave it behind.

Go to where I’m going.

Part way across it gets me. Takes over – shows me its strength.

I get pulled under – get stuck.

Oh shit.

I wasn’t meant to cross – not here – not now.

Frightened I call out …

We are alone – the river and I – in a battle of life and death.

I’m strong, I know I am – I used to beat Paavo in arm wrestling.

I fight. A good fight it is – for a while.


Time stands still.

The river shows its softness,

Cradles me in its arms. Calms me.

Tells me its story. Its story of eternity and of movement that is forever.

Slowly I give in. Pictures fill the space. Beautiful, peaceful pictures.

My body – numb – and no longer mine.

I move away. Stand aside. Look at my strong, young figure, – stuck.

I reach my mom – softly wrap myself around her heart. – She receives me.

My Dad, my siblings, my friends, I touch.

I dissipate into all-ness.

I am. – Somewhere I am.


Zitta – written on April 12th, 2005



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