I wrote this shortly after Richard (my husband of 43 years) was diagnosed with prostate cancer:

The Power of Contradictions

I walk – down the road of life.
I see – green, I feel – hope.
I reach –
for the calm.
There is no separation.
We are One – “the road of life” and I.
As One, we urge ourselves onward –
towards the next bend.
We see – together :
The Beauty,
The Love,
Which is life.

We give freely,
Limitlessly,
as a flowing creek.
There is no beginning – no end.

My heart is full of love.
Now – heavy. –
My road of life is Rocky.
I pick up a Rock, – I do not stumble;
I caress, touch, feel that Rock,
I place it in my heart,
Tuck it in.
Go on,
To the next –
Taste it, curl my tongue around it –
Swallow it.
It goes down.
Belongs.

Knowing –

Each rock makes me Lighter,
more content.
There is no Love without Sorrow.
There is no Rock without Learning.

I feel Strong,
Moving,
Never Stagnant.
Life is.

I go with it.
I Grow.
I do not need to know,
because, I DO.

There is no One Truth,
Truth is All.
Deep within me it lies,
Still – like a Storm at Sea.
Untamed – like the Love of a Mother

Destination?

As all whirl around us, it whirls within,
Gives –
Takes –
Is.

Zitta – originally written 10/9-2004

Dozing on a rock in Matilija Canyon, about 4 years after Richard’s diagnosis, I had this vision:

The Witch

The witch
Slips onto her broomstick
Takes off
To who knows where

She flies around
Till she sees a cave
A cave more spacious
Than she ever saw

The cave is the prostate, of course
And filled with webs, dust and dirt

She now has a job
To clean it all up

The webs from the spiders are everywhere
And she knows she’s the one to care
First she stares
In despair
Then decides it’s all fair

And gets to work

Zitta -originally written 2008

This I wrote about two weeks after Richard died:

For Richard:

I’m on a Roller Coaster Ride.
Things are hard – and uplifting,
Deep – and fulfilling.
At times I feel as if my heart has been ripped open,
At times I stare in awe at the space we had – together.
The Space you left – for me to hold alone.
I feel appreciative – and deprived.
I feel ecstatic with love for you – then dive into grief and sorrow.
I feel lucky that I’m able to feel ALL my feelings.
I feel thankful allowing for ALL I am, and for ALL we were.
I feel strong.
I love you.

Zitta –originally written 10/14-2012