ONE SMALL DOG
Brewing for a while now
The time has come to tell the story
I killed a dog
The images are horrendous
They stay and stay
They haunt me
Everyone says it wasn’t my fault
But it was
A person can always do more
Can always do better
A dark street
An old lady
A small dog
Slowing down – to 10 miles per hour
Not enough
Believing the dog is on a leash
Assuming
Never assume
Feeling – the bump – ever so slight
Stopping
Someone screaming
A woman
Loosing her connection
To her dog
Getting out of the car
Heart pounding
Walking back
A small dog
Flailing its legs in the air
Stillness
A small dog
Lying in a pool of blood
Empty of its life force
The blood – a blanket of comfort
Deep sadness
Chest hurting
Getting cold
Feeling very alone
Grandson – 14 – sees the dog
running for the tire
Hears the bump
I must carry his image along with mine
The woman
Reaching for her dog
Standing up
Empty handed
Confused
Watching
the dog chasing
the car moving
Unbelieving
of what she sees
It can’t be so
But it is
A secret
It can’t be told
My throat gets tight
I have no words
Just feelings
And hurt
And guilt
And aloneness
Unbearable aloneness
This is my burden
It can’t be softened
It can’t be shared
It has become a part of me
Living in my chest
-originally written December 31th , 2008 at app. 7:00 pm
Three months later…
Healing
Forgiving
Recovering
As in a movie
The images go backwards
The blood slowly drawn back
into the body
Of the dog
Where it belongs
The flailing of legs stopping
The dog laying
Peacefully
I pick it up
Take it in my arms
Dance with it
Offer it
to the heavens
to the goodness
to the all-ness
My image becomes a picture
A photograph
Of the dog
I lay the photograph
In a box lined with purple velvet
I bring the box to the woman
As she opens the lid and acknowledges the photograph
Strangely and beautifully
Tiny puppies
Appear through the picture
Their front paws on the edge of the box
They lean forward
Curious and ready – for life
For Richard
I walk outside
The flowers are fresh
Their fragrance sweet
The fig tree overflowing
I pick a fig
It is warm from the sun
Warm as Richard’s body
When I lie in his arms
Then, the warmth gone astray
He goes away
I look around
It seems
He is still here
In the figs
In the air
Where does love go
When you send it off
Into the atmosphere
“The Moody Blues” are playing
Playing for us
Together we find
The love we left behind
Outside
I stand
See you taking off
Left alone
I feel all we were
I stretch my arms – towards
Nothing
and you are gone
As everything I know
Is no longer here
There are so many feelings
Can I put them in a box
Save them
And savor them
Take them out
For a special time
Massage them in my heart
And in my hands
Can I run away
To that place
That place of feelings
To that place that hurts so much
That is so raw
That it speaks no words